by any other name
by RA'AY'MOND
Summary: Barney wont let detective Harris have any more fun with his favorite phrase. Read on and find out what that phrase is.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Barney Miller and have not / will not make any money from this work. This is just my way of keeping the show alive.**

**I would like to think Christine, ****The RebelWriter****, for her last minute Beta reading. She went out of her way putting all of her other work aside just to help me with this Fic. I couldn't have done it with out her.**

By: Ra'Ay'Mond

...By any other name.

Barney gives copies of the arrest report to the prisoner transport crew from Belleview and thanks them for getting there so quickly during rush hour. He also wishes the prisoner good luck. on his way out the door.

Barney thinks to him self, 'only one more thing to.'

He then walks over to Detective Harris's desk. Takes a deep breath and says, "Harris if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, stop referring to Belleview as, 'The Enchanted kingdom.'"

Harris _tries_ to get a word of apology in. He says, "But Barn."

However, Barney is not going to give him the chance, he cuts Harris off before the detective can finish talking.

Capt. Miller raises his voice just a little louder than normal. He points toward the squad room door and continues, "That prisoner is an example of why I don't like that kind of talk around the squad room. Did you see how he reacted when he heard you say that? He was fit to be tied! It took us nearly an hour to calm him down before the transport crew got here!"

Wojo walks behind Barney on his way to the file cabinet and says, "Yea Barn. But it was no problem for me to tie him up like I did. When he started banging his head on the Cage door, it seemed like the best thing to do."

Barney looks over his shoulder slightly at Wojo and says "Thanks again for the fast action Wojo. At least one of my Detectives was thinking. That's more then I can say for _some_ of my peoples actions this evening. Capt. Miller turns and looks right at Harris, too emphasize who was not thinking. He points the paper work in his hand toward the sergeant, and continues. But the whole thing could have been avoided if he didn't over hear the 'Colorful Euphemism' made by Sgt. Harris!""

Harris looks up at his boss as he quietly takes this all in and says, "I sorry Barney. And you're right. I never thought that anyone would react like that. It won't happen again."

Barney looks down at Harris. Swinging his now rolled up paper work from left to right, like an angry Orchestra Conductor and says, "That it! No more! This time I mean it! I don't ever want to hear the phrase, 'The Enchant Kingdom' in my squad room again!"

Harris responds, "You got it Barney, I'll never use that phrase in the squad room again!"

Barney slowly turns around, looking over the men under his command to see if they want to add any comments on the subject, before he leaves the room. None of them do. He then walks straight to his office and closes the door behind him.

Once his Captain is gone, Harris reaches into the pocket of his tailor made suit jacket. He then takes out a pencil and writing pad. Not the one he uses for police work, the one he rights down story ideas in.

Upon seeing this Dietrich stops typing and looks at Harris writing in his pad. He asks him in his usual dead pan manor, "Not allowed to use your favorite nick name for Bellevue any more huh?"

With out looking up at his partner, Harris slowly shakes his head, and mouths the word 'no' as he continues to write.

"Making up some new ones, to take it's place huh?"

Harris grins slightly as he looks at Sgt. Dietrich, while still writing in his little book.

He then says, "Dietrich, it's like your reading my mind."

At this, Dietrich smiles to himself, shakes his head slightly left to right at his partners comment, and nerve. Then returns to his typing.

The following are some of the new nick names (And some comments on what he thinks of them) for Belleview that Det. Harris comes up with:

The Pillow Palace. (Blah. I'll think about this one.)

A padded room with a view. (Heh! That's a good one.)

The Rubber Maid Inn. (Naw, not good enough.)

Motel 6 of the mind. (This one is a keeper.)

New Jersey East. (Not that funny. But it's mean. I think I'll keep this one.)

The Ridlyn express. (I'll think about it.)

East river estates / East River Inn. (No good. Throw away.)

City Hall South. (Geniuses, a keeper.)

Staten Island North. (Another keeper.)

Gate way to Rikers Island. (It's funny, cause it's true!)

The land without sharp objects. (That will work.) 4/29/07

The Emerald City. (No. Too corny.) 4/29/07

The home for 'broken toys'. (Eh? Why not? I'll keep it.) 5/10/07

Wojo's contribution: The land that time forgot. (Not bad.) 5/10/07

Wojo's 2nd contribution: The happiest place on Earth. (The man has hidden talent.) 5/10/07

Dietrich's contribution: Sigmund Frauds retreat. (OK. Not bad.) 5/10/07

Dietrich's 2nd contribution: The battle ground of the left and right sides of the Brain. (Nope! Too PBS!) 5/10/07

Dietrich's 3rd contribution: The place where the Corpus Callosum collapsed. (What the hell does that mean? Mental note to self: Never let Dietrich contribute on this again!) 5/10/07

The end of the road. (O.K.) 7/9/2007

Disney Word east. (Better.) 9/15/07

The Twinkie Wagon. (I live it!)

**And my all time favorite, Fan Fiction Playhouse.**

**The end?**

**This was my first Barney Miller Fan Fiction**** them credit.**

**Belleview is a Hospital in NYC that city services like the Police send people who they believe may be a threat to them self's or some one else. They usually stay there for 48 hours of observation.**

Some where between Adam 12 and Hill Street Blues, there was Barney Miller. A comedy about a New York City squad of detectives. The show was on during some of the hardest times in New York's history. City budget cuts, lay offs, black outs, transit strikes, water shortages, blizzards, heat waves, and increasing street crime. This show helped to make these things…a little easier to deal with.

And it was funny as hell!

If you have never seen it. Look up the DVD descriptions on Amazon. Or rent it.

_**Love it? Hated it? Please let me **_


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